This one is for the ladies too, so pay attention! If you want juicy sparks in your relationship, keep reading…
I hear of this so often, there’s just something wrong in the relationship. Something in the communication. The couple are even friends, things seems great, but every so often she just doesn’t feel heard. She feels like he isn’t hearing her, feeling her, caring, something is just wrong, and it is breaking her attraction.
The problem: the guy is treating her like an equal (i.e. another man). OK, I just upset some feminists, but hear me out.
You see, men challenge each other. That is how we show that we care. We just tell the truth of what we see and bring it to the man so they can improve, through challenge. That is masculine-to-masculine care, or love. The feminine in all of us grows through praise, not challenge. That receiving, heart-based, open and radiant self is our feminine.
Feminists taught us that we’re all “equal”. Most men did listen to this, especially boys in that era, because we want women, so to “respect” a woman we started treating women like equals. Now our masculine (stronger in males typically) wants to be appreciated for our mind and be challenged. So, men were taught to talk to a woman’s mind and challenge. Sure, this is great in the office, in the coffee shop, but not so great in the bedroom or when you want to be intimate (i.e. close).
So how does this masculine challenge look? “Say honey, are you sure you want to eat that? I thought you were on a diet?” This is telling the truth and challenging for improvement. I do it with my guy friends. I’ll just say, “Dude, you’re getting fat. Stop stuffing your face.” And my friend will reply, “Thanks man!”, because he gets that I care enough to tell him the truth and challenge him. If I don’t care, I won’t say anything to a man.
That is NOT the way to bring out your goddess’ radiance guys! Our feminine, on the other hand, grows through praise. Praise is noticing her radiance and subtly encouraging more of it. How does a guy know it is praise? Because it sounds like B.S. to a guy. Really! Imagine saying to a guy, “You look sexy in those jeans dude. Your diet is working.” See what I mean? Praise is notice the radiance you like (i.e. she is “sexy”) and how she has put in care to do it (i.e. her sacrifice of a “diet”). This is how to enhance the feminine. And you DO want to be with a feminine woman, don’t you?
Now I know what our inner feminist is saying, “Don’t B.S. a woman. She’s not dumb.” But notice, that again is saying, “Like a woman only for her mind. Treat her like a man.” (i.e. a big mind with a torso.) Thus the guide is, in work, challenge is OK, but to build intimacy, praise her, enhance her feminine, hold a space for her to radiate.
Praise is like fertilizer. To a man (a mind), the smell is distracting. But to a rose (or a woman, beauty in human form) it’s nutrients for blooming. You don’t challenge a rose, or yell at it, to make it bloom or become more beautiful, do you?
The moral of the story: If you want a radiant female, a woman, talk to her heart and stop talking to her head so much. When you are talking about the bills, sure, that’s men’s work. But most of the time, in your close relationship, you want a radiant nurturing goddess, don’t you? TALK TO HER HEART!