I realize many of you haven’t experienced coaching yet. Maybe you know a coach, but have you actually had a formal session yet? If not, you haven’t experienced coaching. Reason: we coaches usually won’t coach you unless we have permission. Coaching is unlike anything most people have experienced and few have.
First, a core belief in coaching is that you are the best expert in the world on you. Ever get advice? It usually doesn’t work, does it? It’s other peoples’ "strategy". But as I often say, you are as unique as your finger print, so you work best when you use YOUR strategy. In a pure coaching setting, the coach has no answers, just an uncanny ability to watch and listen for the magic answers inside you.
So, what would it be like to have someone be able to help you get the answers that will best work for you? Ever read a book and get the idea but it doesn’t seem to work in practice for you. Again, it’s the author’s strategy, not yours.
The coach also believes in your amazing potential. It’s best put by Michelangelo when he was asked how he carved the statue of David: "The more the marble wastes, the more the statue grows." And, "I released the statue from the stone." He chiseled away all that was unnecessary, and David emerged. A great coach helps you uncover who you are to be your true self. Now how cool is that?
A terrific coach will be able to guide you in changing your unconscious, not just consciously trying will-power change. Let’s say you have a hidden belief that you will fail. You want to uncover that and maybe change it into "I deserve success." You want to be unconsciously pulled forward by your dreams, not pushing yourself towards them, right?
Ah, there’s so much more and maybe this gives you a taste of how coaching is the new faster way of joy and abundance. Bob Nardelli (CEO of Home Depot) believes that without a coach, people "will NEVER reach their maximum capabilities".
So the question is, what’s your dream and what’s stopping you? What ever it is, find a partner that believes in you helps you uncover your true self and your strategies. Maybe that’s your spouse, a friend, or colleague. It’s best to have someone from who your happiness and success are more important than the relationship. The partner should have no agenda, the agenda is fully yours. And don’t forget to have fun in the process!
Next time you’re in a conversation with a friend. Don’t offer advice, just listen for those times when they tell you the answer that they are searching for. Listen closely and people will tell you what they are looking for. When you just listen, expecting that they’ll figure it out because they have the best answer, usually people will figure it out.
Here’s the catch… the speaker shouldn’t get into a story. You know, details that take you away from the real juicy stuff. You may notice when you, as the speaker, drift into story. Stories have a place, but it’s usually in a novel or describing a sunny summer vacation.
Coaching is a balancing act. I imagine some day everyone will learn how to coach and we’ll all of us will communicate with grace and understanding.
Using your Inherent Excellence
Much of listening is watching body language and facial expressions. You are noticing body language all the time, but most people take it for granted. You listen with you’re eyes, ears, even you’re heart and ability to go there with the other person. You can probably turn off the sound on your TV and tell what emotions the speaker is experiencing. Why not do that with the people around you? Notice where others are at and use your Inherent Excellence to communicate more fully.