Here are two questions from Allison Armstrong that she finds most couples never figure out. They are the key to happiness. These are questions to ask eachother.
- What do you need from me that you’ve given up on getting from me?
- Is there anything I’m doing or any way I’m being that is losing your respect and affinity (i.e. love)?
I also find it’s incredibly important for us to sit down and get clear on what exactly we need from our partner for there to be love. It’s usually just one or two things!Are you seeking perfection or is it really a deal breaker?
I’m consciously using the word “need” here because some things are a need. Air, water, and food ARE needs. The kind of food is usually not a need. That is the difference. Get clear on what is needed so you can breath again, then briefly ask for it, in a way they can hear you. If you’re coming up with a long list, it’s just ego trying to make you suffer by making it impossible. Boil it down to one thing and see if that is a must for there to be love.
Above all, watch out for using your emotions to get what you want. That’s what children do and it’s called manipulation. Ask as if they are someone you love and respect. Keep it short and let them know it’s important to you.
Volumes have been written on the subject. This is a stating point for your own movement forward. Realize that if you don’t believe you can ask for what you really need, it’s just your childhood programming and they are NOT your mean parents. Give your lover a chance to please you. You might be surprised.