Clarity.Zone

Ever wonder why “dating” is so hard? (funny video)

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by

Erol Fox
in ,

As a coach and teacher, I meet so many people that say, “Dating sucks!” I hope I get a lot of comments on the blog, because I’m going blow “dating” wide open, so you can be more free. That’s always my game, you being more free.

As a Neuro Linguist (Brain Language Specialist), I study words carefully and how they affect us. Words create pictures and entire experience in our body. The meaning of words is so powerful, wars are wages over them. Don’t believe me? How about the word “God”? It’s d-o-g spelled backward but the ancient meaning has a great affect on entire cultures.

So here goes, the word “dating” is actually an 1880s America slang word for setting up many “dates” to trade favors for money. It was a very light kind of prostitution in new big cities where there were few women. Yes, it was slang for a kind of light prostitution in the 1880 cities. OUCH!

Ever feel like a date is all about trading? You know, you’re out with someone that physically turns you on or you don’t really like that much, hoping it gets better, and hoping there’s a good trade in there? Maybe, he hopes he gets laid and she hopes he’ll be a good husband years from now?

Did you see the hilarious Super Bowl Pepsi MAX commercial? I couldn’t have shown the problem with dating any better. Here it is:

Pepsi MAX – First Date – Super Bowl 45 Ad

The ad is so funny because it’s revealing a truth pretty much everyone knows but doesn’t talk about: That people are trading and stuck in their minds on dates. That’s great comedy. It points our the truth right in front of us.

To me, the ad points out two truths to save your friends from the nightmare of dating:

  1. “Dating” is another word for “trading”. Each person is thinking about what they want to get in the trade.
  2. Neither person is present. They are in their minds. They aren’t really even there.

When people learn this about dating, they often panic because American culture only has the training to date. (Other countries don’t “date” but we are exporting it quickly.)  So, what do you do? Only go out with people you actually LIKE! What a concept. Are you having fun with them? If not: STOP! Stop all the logistics and planning. Stop listening to your trading mind and be constantly curious who they are and if your are ACTUALLY compatible. Be present, have fun, STOP when that isn’t happening. When you practice having fun and stopping when you don’t, you learn to love yourself and practice not manipulating people to get what you want when it’s not fun.

Here’s a simple way to keep your mind clear:

Dating = Trading

Courtship = Relationship

What you practice you become.

So, pass it aroud. STOP “DATING”!

Comments

One response to “Ever wonder why “dating” is so hard? (funny video)”

  1. Leah Otte Avatar
    Leah Otte

    Dating!!! I actually do not use this word at all. I prefer to describe it as an interview process. Coming together and discovering what the other really desires and revealing if you are on the same path. We are all adults, be honest and tell the other what you want! , if it does not match up… NEXT!!! If we only realised how liberating it is to be clear and truthful! Why? do we twist, contort and manipulate situations to equate to something it will never be! What a waste of time and energy. Some of us hold so tightly to mediocre, we block the universe from from allowing Mr. Wonderful to come our way. One will only get what one gives and that includes what we give to ourselves. If you do not love yourself, take care of yourself, give yourself attention, you will not get that from another. So what do you want???
    Ladies, it is okay to be in a time period of “your life” that all you want to do is – connect twice a month for a day, with your man… have wild passionate sex and play!!! 🙂 If this seems wrong ask your heart and soul if this is really not a fit for you? Or is it because mommy told you it was bad?!!! That would be a subconscious belief, clear it out and live!! Go for it, have fun!
    Once you have awoken to your consciousness it becomes more and more relevant to have a body, mind and soul connection. This doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to have causal relationships with others, just don’t title it and be present when you come together, go with the flow and connect in all levels. Make him Mr. Right NOW! In joy, bliss and happiness!!!
    Erol explains this beautifully in his “be in the F.L.O.W.” blog entry (September 2010)
    Kabbalah teaches us that genuine love is about unconditional sharing with another soul. The key word here is unconditional, meaning that there is no “hidden” agenda. There are no strings attached to the love one gives. There is no forethought given to what one will receive in return. Love means finding joy in the act of giving and seeing the happiness and gratification of the other person.
    Ladies, many of us have very little to no need for a man; our generation has been programmed to do everything for ourselves and to depend on no man! Remember the one thing you cannot do is….
    “Navigating your own heart’s openness doesn’t allow the ecstatic surrender for which your heart yearns.” – David Deida (if you feel something is missing; this may be your answer.)
    Choose what you want your next exchange with a man to be and inform him, see how it flows! 😉

    Reply

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