A great King and Queen were being taught directly by Buddha 2500 years ago. They were learning about the depth of ego and separation. One evening, the King went to the Queen and asked, "Do you love me?" The Queen graciously answered, "No, I only love myself?" The King smiled and replied, "me too, I only love me!" and walked over to hold her tightly.
In ancient times, an answer like that from a queen could be fatal to her and today we are not much more advanced. But, what this couple learned is that it is rare for humans to truly love anyone. From this place of deep spiritual awareness (i.e. honesty of what is), they could be free of illusions and begin a real love.
What is needed here is an understanding of what is "love". Love is a verb, it is "giving", plain and simply. When you truly love, you give completely, unconditionally, wanting nothing in return. You don’t just give in moments when you feel your needs are met, or you are happy, you give especially when you don’t "feel" like it.
To whom do you give expecting nothing in return? Do you really love your partner or do you withhold love when they don’t give you what you want? Most of us are not "loving" with others, we are "needing" or "wanting" from others. When we meet a partner, we want what they can give us, how they can make us feel better. Eventually, they can’t satisfy our needs so we get upset. This isn’t love, it’s "taking". This becomes a control game of withholding for needs.
First, be honest with yourself and notice if you have "needs" with a loved one or are truly giving unconditionally. Then, decide if you truly want to love them. If so, begin to practice giving for no reason, sharing when you are not in the mood. Practice truly loving, not egoic wanting.
Another ancient concept is that God is love. It follows that if God is an omnipotent force, it has no needs, thus can only give. What would it be like if you could give unconditionally? Isn’t that the deepest joy?