As a coach and teacher, I meet so many people that say, “Dating sucks!” I hope I get a lot of comments on the blog, because I’m going blow “dating” wide open, so you can be more free. That’s always my game, you being more free.
As a Neuro Linguist (Brain Language Specialist), I study words carefully and how they affect us. Words create pictures and entire experience in our body. The meaning of words is so powerful, wars are wages over them. Don’t believe me? How about the word “God”? It’s d-o-g spelled backward but the ancient meaning has a great affect on entire cultures.
So here goes, the word “dating” is actually an 1880s America slang word for setting up many “dates” to trade favors for money. It was a very light kind of prostitution in new big cities where there were few women. Yes, it was slang for a kind of light prostitution in the 1880 cities. OUCH!
Ever feel like a date is all about trading? You know, you’re out with someone that physically turns you on or you don’t really like that much, hoping it gets better, and hoping there’s a good trade in there? Maybe, he hopes he gets laid and she hopes he’ll be a good husband years from now?
Did you see the hilarious Super Bowl Pepsi MAX commercial? I couldn’t have shown the problem with dating any better. Here it is:
The ad is so funny because it’s revealing a truth pretty much everyone knows but doesn’t talk about: That people are trading and stuck in their minds on dates. That’s great comedy. It points our the truth right in front of us.
To me, the ad points out two truths to save your friends from the nightmare of dating:
- “Dating” is another word for “trading”. Each person is thinking about what they want to get in the trade.
- Neither person is present. They are in their minds. They aren’t really even there.
When people learn this about dating, they often panic because American culture only has the training to date. (Other countries don’t “date” but we are exporting it quickly.) So, what do you do? Only go out with people you actually LIKE! What a concept. Are you having fun with them? If not: STOP! Stop all the logistics and planning. Stop listening to your trading mind and be constantly curious who they are and if your are ACTUALLY compatible. Be present, have fun, STOP when that isn’t happening. When you practice having fun and stopping when you don’t, you learn to love yourself and practice not manipulating people to get what you want when it’s not fun.
Here’s a simple way to keep your mind clear:
Dating = Trading
Courtship = Relationship
What you practice you become.
So, pass it aroud. STOP “DATING”!